A Eulogy For Gronk

Written by Alex Harvey
Originally published by Positive News For You

We all knew it was coming, and it’s probably for the best, but it doesn’t make it any sadder. Rob Gronkowski, plausibly the best tight end in football history, has retired. Number 87 is a freak of nature, not a human so much as a specimen brewed in a laboratory somewhere for the specific purpose of being the best tight end ever. The debate about whether or not Gronkowski is the greatest tight end of all time is just as strong as the debate about whether or not Tom Brady is the greatest. In his prime, it’s very difficult to argue that Gronk was not the greatest. Tony Gonzalez may have had better numbers, and revolutionized the tight end position, but Gronk was…Gronk. Even Patriots-haters tend to like Gronk, due to his fun loving goofy personality. He’s someone who it doesn’t seem possible to dislike.

There are basically two types of tight ends in football. There are receiving tight ends, and blocking tight ends. The first type are essentially bigger receivers who line up close to the quarter back. The second type stop defenses, supporting the rest of the offense. Sure, there are tight ends who do both. But these guys normally lose something in both areas. They’ll be competent receivers, and competent blockers, but they’re not special in either category. A player like Gronk, who is exceptionally good in both categories, is truly special, and we will likely never see anyone like him ever again. At least, not until cyborgs start playing football. Gronk had to be accounted for at all times. You couldn’t cover this man with just one defender. Multiple defensive backs would leap on this guy trying to bring him down, and he would literally drag them fifteen yards down field, shrug them off, and run in for a touchdown. Even in his old age, when he was well past his prime, defenses were terrified of this beast. I thought the Patriots should have traded him last off-season when they still could’ve gotten draft picks for him. The 2018 season was probably the worst of his career, but defenses were still double and even triple-covering him. And he got one hell of a send-off.

After a season of poor production in which he looked like a shell of his former self, when he was banged up even by his standards, he redeemed himself. A year removed from losing the Super Bowl on the last play (where he almost saved the game) and after taking a lot of the heat for the Miami Miracle, Gronkowski was one of the heroes of Super Bowl LIII. He was silent for most of the game, but he made the big play when it mattered most. He snagged a catch near the goal-line setting up the game-winning touchdown. What could possibly be a better send-off than that? And is it a coincidence that the man obsessed with the number 69 decided to retire after Brady and Belichick won six out of nine super bowls? I think not.